And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
