It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
