he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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