I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
