is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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