Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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