i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
