dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
