that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
