yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
