the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
