Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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