Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
