the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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