I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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