we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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