this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
