Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
