I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
