dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
