I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
