Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
