Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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