Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
