these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
