I am spending my child support on dildos
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
