i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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