I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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