Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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