Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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