I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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