Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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