You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
