I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My vagina is officially offended.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
