he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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