I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
