I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
