Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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