You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
