My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
