Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
