Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So many bounce houses so little time
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
