my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
