My friends, they love my intelligence
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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