I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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