oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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