Kiss
Puke
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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