The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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