oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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