Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You dont lie about slip and slides
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
